


Not the Same

by GalacticTwink



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: 1k drabbles, A little, Angst, Bittersweet, Complete, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Gem Fusion, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Spoilers, Prompt Fic, Rain, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticTwink/pseuds/GalacticTwink
Summary: Lapis and Jasper might not be as different as she thought.
Relationships: Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25
Collections: GalacticTwink Highlights





	1. Not The Same

Little homeworld is always bustling these days, new gems coming in every day to be assimilated and adjusted to the way they’re supposed to live now. Peridot and the others are always busy now, teaching and learning and being happy. Steven asked me to be a teacher too, but I don’t know what I would do. There’s nothing I can do that the crystal gems can’t a million times better. And happy still isn’t really my thing.

It’s not like I haven’t tried, I did. I tried and I tried and I tried but I can’t force myself to be okay. Even now, after everything. After so long, I just can’t get over it.

I wander out of town to get away from it all, still running away from my problems. I can’t help it, I miss the barn. Having the place just for Peridot, Pumpkin, and me like our own little corner of the planet.

The forest off little homeworld is still quiet, birds singing and plants growing wild just like in the.. country. Maybe I can still live in a tree with the squirrels like Steven suggested before. But, what’s a squirrel? I’m sure Amethyst turned into one once, didn’t she? No, that was a chicken.

While I’m walking the nice crisp sound of grass under my feet cuts off, a patch of dirt slashed through the otherwise healthy forest. Tree stumps and dead plants litter the ground, huge boulders taking the place of the natural beauty. Was there some kind of rockslide here?

“Hey! I thought I said- It’s you!” a gruff, all too familiar voice booms from inside a cave just ahead of me. Her broad shoulders, now dotted with residual corruption, make their way out first; hair waving behind her shoulders.

“You? Wh, what are you doing here?” Jasper sneers back at me, stalking out of the rocky cave. “You know why I’m here, the same reason you are.” I take a step back, legs trembling under me. No, I can’t do this again. I can’t be afraid of her.

“You don’t know that! You don’t know anything about me.” Her scowl spreads into a terrifying smile, bearing her teeth at me like an animal as she reaches out to grab for me.

"I know exactly why you're here Lapis, it's because we're the same." her fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling me in. Her eyes are so wild and manic, filled to the brim with desperation. With need. But for what I don't know. "I don't belong with all those fools, dancing and singing with gems who held them prisoner for thousands of years. Lying to themselves that they can move on; forget everything just because someone told them so." she grabs my hip, her whole hand nestling neatly around my waist. "And neither do you." I struggle, breaking her grip and wrenching myself into the air. I pull together what I can to bring a fist down onto Jasper, the water barely fazing her.

"You never belonged with them!" my fingers curl against my palm, the clouds above us swirling as they darken; my anger seeping into the air around me.

"You're wrong," thunder rumbles over my head. “But you know I’m right. Your power, your past, do you really think any of them will be able to understand?” Jasper’s hair whips around her head, catching on her horns in the wind.They do understand. The crystal gems lived through the war. Pearl, who was enslaved for thousands of years; Steven who has so, so much power that he can’t begin to understand. Peridot… Amethyst! The rest of them, they.. They-

“But I do. Everything that you feel- I’ve felt it too. You were betrayed by Homeworld and used by the Crystal Gems, do you really think you could live with siding to either of them?” lightning flashes in the sky, swirling with the storm. “You’re afraid, Lapis. Afraid of being alone, but afraid of hurting someone you love. You’re afraid of trusting someone just to get hurt again.”

“You don’t understand how I feel.” rain pours from the dark clouds, masking the tears rolling down my cheeks. Jasper’s face has fallen, tilted towards the sky without any care for the water pelting her. There’s something there in her eyes that I don’t want to place. That I don’t want to see.

“How could I not?” Jasper.. who watched her diamond be shattered right in front of her. Who hurt and grieved and struggled to move on as a gem homeworld wanted to forget, only to learn that it was all for nothing. That Pink Diamond tricked everyone for her own gain. Only to find herself the enemy of the ‘saviours of the galaxy’. Alone.

“You don’t have to be alone. Stay with me, Lapis.” she reaches towards me again, her cupped palm catching water as it falls. “We don’t belong with them, but we can still belong with each other.” I hesitate. Jasper’s eyes are wide, open to the raw emotion she’s pushing through her words.

My toes squish on the muddy ground, landing cautiously in front of the other gem before I reach out; hesitating just before I touch her.

“We’re never going to have a happy ending, just remember that.” the storm breaks, sunlight streaming down over our clasped hands; Jasper’s hand engulfing mine but holding me to delicately. This feels wrong, even this place looks so alien to me, all life ripped from the ground to make room for Jasper’s cave home. But as the roar in my ears calms and the swirling storm subsides, I can suddenly hear how peaceful it is out here. Birds singing, leaves rustling as animals run through the trees going about their lives around me.

The light breaking through the clouds is warm, drying the tears on my face. And it could just be my imagination, but I thought I saw a few small blades of grass poking through the barren ground already.


	2. Respect

“Why do you respect him so much?” Jasper surprises me, rounding the corner without a sound to plop down beside me; the last golden rays of the day settling into her skin. I look up, a photo of Steven and I cradled over my lap. I know he’s not that far away, but I haven’t brought myself to go back to Little Homeworld since I left. “He isn’t a diamond. No matter what he does.” I snort.

“Steven is a diamond, he just isn’t your diamond. But that’s not why I like hanging out with him.” Jasper sits next to me, our legs dangling over the entrance of the cave we’ve been loitering in together. I don’t think I’d call it a home, but it’s nice. She looks down at the photo, trying to pull any meaning out of the frame; groaning when nothing comes to her.

“Then why? Why do rebels flock to him? There’s nothing remarkable about him at all, he’s just a lucky brat!” “Steven is special. He understands more than I thought he could, probably more than he did too. He’s seen everything war brings except war itself. Steven is just a kid but.. he makes me feel like I’m not alone, and I know I’m not the only one. Just being around him puts me at ease.” or, it used to. Jasper growls, throwing a stone out into the forest.

“I just don’t get it. He doesn’t even fight, he isn’t even a gem! He’s just a little freak, but even the diamonds respect him. He has half the galaxy under his thumb and I can’t understand it.” she grumbles, fingers idly running along the diamond near her throat.

“It’s not that I respect Steven, or want to serve under him or something. I want to follow him because he doesn’t ask for respect or service. He freed star systems, but still doesn’t think he’s in charge; even now with everyone looking up to him as the creator of this paradise for gemkind, he gives all the credit to the crystal gems. Every decision he makes is for everyone, and we always know why he made it. He’s not a ruler or a commander, Steven is just Steven.”

“We weren’t made for friendship Lazuli.”

“What were we made for then!” I raise my voice, standing to look down at Jasper. “Do you really think we ever meant anything to the diamonds? They made us to build a world for someone else to live in. We were nothing- disposable tools! Can you really not see how much better this is?” I gesture around us at the lush, open forest. Even towards Little Homeworld in the distance. “You had power that someone else gave you because they thought you were too stupid to use it against them.” Jasper stands, a shadow falling over her face as she glares down at me but I don’t back down. My hands curl into fists, ready to fight.

“What facet are you, Lazuli?” “What?” “Answer the question.” I do my best mock salute. “Lapis Lazuli 1F3L Cut 84C reporting for duty, ma’am.” Jasper’s brow furrows, the frown lines on her face deepening.

“You were made on Homeworld- you’re more important than I ever was.” “That doesn’t mean I was happy.” she sinks back to the ground, watching the Earth’s sun dip below the horizon. The final shoots of pink and orange already starting to fade, the world darkening around us in anticipation to bring its light back tomorrow. Jasper and I don’t sleep, but I love watching the days pass.

“What does make you happy?” her voice drops to a whisper, treating every word more gently than the last. I’ve never heard her like that, the usual snarl that comes from her lips calmed to a warm rumble. I sit down beside her again, closer this time.

“I love the Earth. The bright lights in the city and the clouds of fog in the East, their sun that comes and goes always at the same time, but every day looks a little bit different. The wind and the birds in the trees, and the leaves that change when the wins gets cold. The smell of salt and sand against my skin at the beach. The ocean. This place is my home now, and I love every moment I get to spend here. Forever suddenly doesn’t feel like such a long time anymore.” I can see homeworld’s galaxy now, nestled into the blanket of stars above our heads, but I don’t miss it anymore. I used to look at it and see what could be, but now it just reminds me why I want to stay here.

“Steven showed me how amazing this planet is, and I don’t think I could ever repay him for that. The way he looks at the world is so unique and bright, cherishing everything he lays eyes on. He’s incredible.” I fold my knees up to my chin, looking out at the lights of Beach City over the trees. People and gems going about their lives, living peaceful moment after peaceful moment free to do whatever they want; or even nothing at all. I don’t think I’ll ever fit in there, but that’s alright.

A breeze rustles through the forest, leaves floating lazily to the ground and baby birds chirping in their nests. It flows over my face and through my hair, carrying my breath along with it as it passes through. Jasper’s hair flips against me, her long locks streaking behind her in the wind like a streak of lightning against the dark sky. Her eyes have finally left me, staring up at the stars above us. They used to be her whole world, and now she’s looking up at them from a planet she wanted to destroy.

She looks so vulnerable, mirroring my position with her knees hugged tightly against her chest. I reach over, gently touching her shoulder.

“You’re not so bad either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how this ch turned out soooo much


	3. Belonging

Jasper has been gone for a few days now. I know she practically had to force me to stay here with her, but I’m starting to get lonely in our cave by myself. I wandered around the clearing she made a few times but didn’t see any signs of her. I duck out of the hole to watch the sun rise, a loud thud echoing through the trees around me. What was that? It happens again, and again.

I follow the sound deeper through the trees, the trunks around me growing taller and more twisted the further I stray from the city. Jasper is in the middle of the commotion, hammering a plank of wood she cut herself. There’s stacks of wood surrounding her, almost blocking her out completely.

“Jasper?” I squeeze through a gap, watching her lift and move wood with ease to connect boards together. “Lapis, you’re here. Help me with this.” she hands me a hammer, my arm dropping under the sudden weight. She gives me a shove behind her towards another of her seemingly endless supply of planks, a neat box of nails from a hardware store sitting on top of the stack. Did she go into town for this?

“What _is_ this?” the other gem flushes, letting her thick hair fall over her face to hide the blush spreading over her cheeks. 

“Well, you said- I mean, I was hoping you wouldn’t see until later but- You mentioned squirrels, no that’s not what I meant.” I turn around, looking up the trunk of the tallest tree for miles. There’s a few boards already nailed in near the base, the beginning of a neat ladder up.

“A treehouse to live with the squirrels?” I forgot I told her about that, I didn’t think she would… “What do you want me to do?" Jasper’s face brightens, guiding me over to see hoe the saw works. She already has so many boards cut, does she really need more?

I take over cutting, the noise I’d heard earlier resuming as she nails boards into the tree; still working on the latter, stacking up to the fork in the tree high above my head. This is where I really come in, flying stacks and boxes up to Jasper while she works. Never looking off plan, she’s organized and knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Here, Lapis, hold this up for me,” I up, fingers curling around the corner while she attaches the walls together. Her hand creeps over mine, palm cradling the back of my hand as the board shakes with the force of her hammer. Jasper looks up at me, cheeks darkening. 

I pull my hand away, floating back to the ground to look at all the boards we still have. I wonder.. Taking one of the extra hammers, I fly up to the top of a shorter tree next to the one Jasper is using, tilting my head at how the other gem is getting everything to stay together. It looks like supports first, hidden inside the branches to make the house look free floating in the leaves. Then a floor, hammered together with only a few injuries to my fingers.

Jasper is still working away, I spy her stopping to pull back her hair; lifting her long locks from her neck and shaking off drops of sweat. I zip over to the other side of the great tree she’s in, careful the quartz doesn’t see me start to work on that one too. Now that I’m in the swing of it building is pretty easy, the motion of hitting the hammer over and over again relaxing me more with every board.

“Hey, Lapis! Get over here!” I turn from what I’m doing, an amazing treehouse hiding behind me. How did she.. it’s already dark, well through the night, but I can see Jasper’s creation clearly. I fly over, circling around the open staircase spiraling around the tree that connects the two levels of the split home. Jasper is waiting on a balcony stretching from the second floor, waving at me to join her. 

“This is the last board.” I look, one chunk missing from the wall behind me. Jasper places the last piece of wood in my hands. “You put it in.” I turn, looking at all the work she did. And she wants me to finish it? I shake my head.

“We can do it together.” I line up the board, Jasper standing closely behind me; reaching around to steady my hand. I can feel her chest pressed against my back, fingers curling delicately around my wrist. Her thumb drags along my hand, stroking my skin. I shake it off, raising my hammer and waiting for Jasper’s hand to join mine on the handle. We nail the last board in together, Jasper’s arms wrapping around me as I step back. 

I wait for her to be ready, leading her back through the treehouse and flying over to show her what I made. Two rope bridges connect the smaller houses I made to the main one, each delicately lit with strings of lights I.. borrowed.

She plucks me out of the sky, burying my face into her chest as she squeezes me. “It’s perfect, isn’t it?” I hear her ask, voice quiet beside my head. It’s better than the cave, that’s for sure. Even further from the city and so quiet. They’ll really have to look to find us up here.

“It still needs one more thing.” I take Jasper by the hand, leading her to the trunk running through the middle of our new home. I sign my name first, passing the knife to her to add hers. And with the last letter the sun begins to rise behind us, bathing our names in pale golden light.

“Do you think..” Jasper pipes up nervously, “it can be home?” my face softens. I take her hand with both of mine. “As long as you’re in it with me.”


	4. Future

I lean over the balcony, looking out over the bright outline of Little Homeworld past the thick forest protecting our treehouse from the bustling campus; lit up against the night sky. The last traces of orange have faded from the horizon, a beautiful full moon replacing the light of the sun with its own ethereal glow. Graduation is today. 

  
I wonder if I would’ve made the cut, if I stayed. I can’t help but feel like I wouldn’t. Like I’m still too broken to fit in with them, so full of hope and excitement for the future. But no matter what they see in the distance, it can’t change the past. Everything we did, everything they did to us. Thousands of years of damage can only heal over thousands more- they can’t teach me how to be happy.

  
“Did it start yet?” Jasper’s rough voice pulls me back to Earth, a smile fighting its way onto my face despite my best efforts. 

  
“Not yet,” she joins me, resting her arm just beside mine to catch a glimpse at Little Homeworld. They must still be reading names, but it should start soon. “There!” I point, following the spark into the air to watch it burst over the town. The explosion echoes, making me flinch in spite of myself. I feel Jasper twitch too, trying to force herself steady to enjoy the show. 

  
Another firework whirrs through the air, louder and more grand than the last. I steal a glance towards Jasper, her eyes flooded with the light falling over the beach. My own fingers still shaking, I wrap my arm around her best I can- letting my head fall onto her arm. I can feel her relax under me after a moment, the next echoed burst bringing a smile to my face. 

  
The show isn’t long, the cheers of celebration carrying all the way to us in our treehouse- along with the following boom of music. The party is far from over, the whole town is out to celebrate with the gems who graduated. But, where will they go now? Across the Earth where they have to hide their real selves? Back into the galaxy where Homeworld gems are still hated? Or will they stay here, reveling in Steven until they realise they haven’t gotten their happily ever after after all- only assimilation into a new world that doesn’t exist yet. Can Steven really teach these gems to change the world?

  
“Hey, Lapis,” Jasper nudges me, pulling my gaze over to her. “you look like you’re a million miles away.” I look down. There I go again. Sometimes, I think I would’ve been better off stuck in that mirror forever- then at least being stuck in the past would be worth something to someone.

  
“Sorry,” Jasper draws away from me, taking a step back to get a better look at the party raging on in town. They’re all having such a good time, music blaring through the thick woods separating us. 

  
“Hey, Lapis,” she extends her hand, “dance with me.” my mouth goes dry. Her stance over me, it’s the same.. I dig my nails into my palm, chasing away the memory before it can run through mt head. Jasper’s eyes are bright, lips curved up into a smile that lifts her whole face into a soft invitation for me. I take her hand, letting the bigger gem twirl me gently along the balcony; grip gentle on my hip as we sway- off from the booming tempo of the music, but just right for us. When I look up at her, I can see Homeworld’s galaxy reflected in Jasper’s eyes. It’s so far away now.

  
“Do you think this will ever feel normal?” my voice blends into the blast of sound around us, but I feel Jasper squeeze my hand in comfort- only once. 

  
“Maybe not.” her smile falters, my own worry reflected back at me in her face. Gems were never meant to change. Not this much. But it’s happened, and there’s no going back. I don’t want to go back. “Does this feel.. wrong to you?” Jasper misses a step, insecurity creeping into her voice. 

  
“No.” I look down, blinking back tears before she sees them. “This is the most right I’ve ever felt. That’s why.. it can’t be normal. This can’t be what we were made for. What I was made for. It feels.. too good.” I wasn’t made to be happy; I wasn’t made to feel anything at all. Neither was she.

  
“Who cares? We did what we were made for and look what it got us. Maybe that wasn’t what we were for after all.” “Then what? What do we do now?” “Maybe we weren’t made to do anything.”I look back up at Jasper in shock, her face the most peaceful it’s ever been.

  
“Maybe we aren’t for anything- or maybe we were made just to be us. But if it was up to me, I think I’d make myself for you.” my breath hitches, Jasper’s cheeks tinting with color at her own words. For me? I don’t know what to say, but I don’t think I need to. 

  
I take Jasper’s hand tightly in mine and lead her back into a dance, more desperate and more content and more.. me. We dance with the beat pulsing in the air around us and with the rhythm of our own beings meeting between us. 

  
A bright light drowns out the night around us, pouring first from our gems but spreading into a warm glow spilling from beneath our skin. I close my eyes, letting myself dissolve and break- but feeling like I’ve never been this whole before.

  
Jasper blends into me, the most natural feeling in the world. I’ve felt this before, but it’s so different now. The lines between us blur but I don’t lose myself, embracing everything she is into everything I am to become something different. Something more. To face the future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this fic <3 I'm hopefully going to podfic it soon too

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://galactictwink.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> I have a few ideas on followup chapters so I left this not complete


End file.
